Around June, doing the Year in Review wasn't any fun anymore so I stopped doing it. The stupidity and arrogance of the President combined with the witch hunt mentality of Kenny Starr and the Republicans was truly saddening. Stop fiddling, you twits, Rome is burning. The US appears to have found a new paradigm for governing. Dig, dig, dig, and dig until you find some dirt. Set a trap for your victim and then really go to town. By distracting the President with nonsense you can successfully dilute his attention from other issues for years. Recap: Lewinski: amoral, class B bimbo, Clinton: amoral idiot who has squandered his presidency, Starr: self-righteous, un-Christian zealot, Gingrich: wisely bowed out to reemerge like Godzilla in the future. Republican Congress: too stupid to realize they've opened a Pandora's box that will eventually bite them they way it bit Clinton. American Public: pissed on and pissed off. I really didn't want to get off on a rant here, which is why I stopped doing the Year in Review back in June. Looks like I wound up ranting anyway.

Here are the first six months of the 1998 Scoats Year in Review. As always, this is 100% organic Scoats, except where noted.

Angel based television shows continued to be very popular. In NBC's short lived Torched by an Angel, a team of angels used arson to help people in need... the last thing to go through Michael Kennedy's mind wasn't thoughts of a babysitter, but a branch. Kathy Lee Gifford was outraged with the media's treatment of "The Ugly Kennedy", saying that he passed three lie detector tests which showed he didn't have sex with the babysitter until she was 16. She thought his children had the right to know that he wasn't a criminal. No, just a Kennedy... Sonny Bono proved that he didn't have an original idea in life or death... within a week, Clinton went from being expected to resign or be impeached to having his highest approval ratings ever. We Americans like the sausage, don't tell us how it's made. eeh so to speak... Newt Gingrich, knowing a glass house when he sees one, wisely didn't throw any rocks.

Hell must of frozen over when Clinton presented a balanced budget for the US Federal Government... I flirted with disaster twice on Friday the 13th, as a guest on Beer Philadelphia Radio I succeeded in not embarrassing myself too much and Friday the Firkinteenth that night was a quite a night for The Grey Lodge Pub... Xuxa announced her pregnancy vowing to increase her ratings one viewer at a time if that's what it takes... now that Bimbogate seemed to a presidental non-issue, Newt Gingrich dropped some weight to get ready for a Presidential run.

ABC tried to combine the popularity of angels with its controversial drama Nothing Sacred in a new show called Touched by a Priest... to enter a talk given by Bill Gates, I had to pass through a Microsoft Pie Detector. To Bill's dismay, it was a release 1.0 Microsoft product and several pies got through... we were given 28years until a giant comet would come within striking distance of the Earth. I decided to wait 27 years to worry about something I could do little about. After 24 hours of brave indifference, we were told nevermind... the little state of Delaware was host to two sensational murder cases. In the Brian Peterson/Amy Grossberg infanticide case, her lawyers strangely decided her best defense was an offense against Peterson. Several days later Peterson made a bargain to plead guilty to manslaughter, leaving Grossberg to face murder one charges with the only witness, Peterson, hostile against her. In the Ann Marie Fahey case, one of Thomas Capano's former mistresses gave the police much evidence against him. One interesting tidbit, their relationship became romantic about five years after it became sexual... An 11 year old and a 13 year old opened fire on their fellow students at an Arkansas middle school killing 4 students and a teacher. How does that saying go - "They can have my gun then they pry it out of my pre-teen son's hands"?. Due to an AK law that cannot be changed retroactively, the boys, being under 14 will be not be tried as adults. While multiple murders, they will not be felons, just juvenile offenders, and so will be allowed to own guns when they come out of state care at 18. On the same day a high school senior in GA was suspended for a day for wearing a Pepsi shirt during Coke Day at his school. Four other students were suspended for a day for wearing marijuana leaf shirts.

The Fox Network debuted something called Tongued by an Angel. Luckily or unluckily I missed it... I was ignoring Kenneth Starr, but stopped after he tried to subpoena book stores into revealing Monica Lewinski’s book purchases. I can see the investigation – Starr: Ms. Lewinski, I see you purchased Where’s Waldo, evidence you played "Hide the Sausage" with the President. Lewinski: It was a birthday present for my nephew. Starr: You bought your nephew a sex book?.. In PA, another teenage student shot a teacher, but missed any students… Amy Grossberg decided to plead guilty to manslaughter… BBC's Teletubbies debuted on PBS. In Philadelphia, channel 12 showed the same show for five days in row (on purpose).

Ellen DeGenerate’s (man I can’t believe Jerry Falwell and I are using the same joke) crappy show was cancelled after Two Guys, A Girl, An Angel and a Pizza Place did much better in the time slot. The competition against the last Ellen show was "True Stories of Touched by An Angel" (no joke)… there were a few more school student shooting sprees…

UPN presented another new show that no one watched called Touch’d By Ang-L featuring a rapping angel.. Not to be left out, PBS's Masterpiece Theather showed Touchéd by an Angel, featuring fencing angels.

© Scoats 1998. All rights reserved. Most wrongs unintentional. Published by Scoats. E-mail: scoats@greylodge.com

Here are some things to look forward to or dread in 1999: Bob Dole's reputation as a stiff will come in handy in his new job as official spokesperson for Viagra... a verdict in the Tom Capono case… Dilbert, the TV show on UPN… the Philadelphia mayoral race… more new US currency… Friday the Firkinteenth IV at The Grey Lodge Pub in August... a Grey Lodge spring/summer/fall BBQ menu… and of course the New Years Eve to end all New Years Eves (if the doomsdayers are correct).