Living In the Toilet #4

by Scoats

November 1997

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A Prescription for Society
I have managed to be fairly mellow now for many years, although CompUSA managed to really piss me off recently. This has been evolving for a long time. One of my methods for mellowosity is to eat some chocolate every morning. A little bit of chocolate in the morning and I'm set for the rest of the day. It is a great way to begin your day. Research shows that eating chocolate creates happy chemicals in your brain. If you are going to have a chemical imbalance, I recommend tipping the scales towards happy chemicals. I think if everyone ate chocolate in the morning, it would be a kinder and nicer world. (George Bush take note).

I am even a fairly mellow driver which is a big change for me. Of course I don't drive very much anymore, which may be why I'm so mellow. I was stopped at a traffic light at 2nd and Race. Traffic was a little backed up due to a fire truck, a police car, and what appeared to be a big truck that was on fire. With traffic moving slowly, the green light turned red as I reached the intersection. Since traffic was actually moving, and seeing as we were right at the bottleneck, I was patient. I was the second car in line. As we were waiting a taxi pulled up behind me. After the light turned green, we inched up a little and stopped. The taxi driver starts laying on his horn and doesn't let up - like the fire truck is going to move somewhere else. There's a man who didn't have chocolate for breakfast.

I was meeting a friend in Old City for lunch. As I was walking down 2nd Street, I saw a roller blader who appeared to wearing some sort of outfit. As she rolled closer, I noticed she was carrying a fuzzy mouse slipper attached to a white stick. Upon further inspection, I deduced that she was wearing a cat outfit. This struck me as odd, but after many years of living in a big city, I just assumed it was someone practicing their constitutional right to enjoy their mental illness as they wish. Also I have been observant of the bizarroness of everyday life for many years, so I'm pretty used to it. One reason why I'm a fan of Twin Peaks is because it seems fairly normal to me. I just assumed that she is a neighborhood fixture, "The Cat Lady" or something.

I get to the Khyber, grab seat, order a beer, and wait for my friend to show up. The bartender is wearing a cheerleading outfit. Once again, I find this odd, but individualism is something I've always enjoyed about the Khyber. A guy comes in who's wearing a suit and a black fedora. An unusual look for a young man in the 90's, but it worked for him. It's good to see hats making a comeback. I ask the bartender is she is familiar with The Cat Lady. Neighborhood individuals like Cat Ladies tend not to dell in obscurity. The bartender wasn't familiar with The Cat Lady.

During lunch, we were talking with the bartender. The conversation turned to Halloween plans and that's when it hit me. "It's Halloween", I shout. The bartender says "What, you think I dress as a cheerleader all the time?" "I was just going with it, life in the big city. The last time I was in this neighborhood, we saw a woman walking around in lingerie". Maybe I'm too mellow.

The Family Circus #1
Longtime readers of my stuff are familiar with my fascination\repulsion with the Family Circus. (see Caves & Cucumbers #8 for my Theories on the Family Circus and Potential Story Ideas).

My dad called me up regarding a recent Sunday strip which he, my mother and sister decided was the worst Family Circus ever. In it, there are 5 shots of Bil, in the first 4, he is yelling at a different kid to keep quiet. In the 5th, he says that it is hard to draw a comic when you constantly interrupted by kids. My dad thought this sucked because 1) it is a lame cop out on coming up with an idea, 2) the kids have to be grown and have kids of their own by now, 3) he gets paid for doing this crap?

I read it (see Theories on the Family Circus for reasons why we read it) and I was actually impressed that it didn't fit into one of the 7 or 8 ideas that Bil constantly reuses. As far as the worst Family Circus ever, I'd have to vote for one of the ones supposedly penned by Billy (Age 7).

The Family Circus #2
In last Sunday's FC, Billy (Age 7) is seen in three scenes thinking of a girl's head. In the third pose the girl is featured with the patented Family Circus Child and Pet Look. The Family Circus Child and Pet Look features three curved lines representing a large toothless grin and two closed eyes. PJ is almost always featured this way. If I was PJ, I wouldn't open my eyes either. In the last panel, Billy (Age 7) asks Bil if he ever thought of someone all the time. Bil, who has a thought balloon of Thelma's head hovering over him, says "Yes and it's sort of nice".

The intriguing part is that Billy (Age 7)'s sweetheart appears to be of African American decent. Miscongregation (I think that's the Family Values Crowd's word for interracial dating) - the Family Circus is cutting edge! I expect tattoos for Jeffy next. If Dolly gets a girlfriend too, look for Disney to buy the rights.

No LITT next month. December will feature the 11th Annual Scoats Year in Review.
Living in the Toilet is a mostly monthly zine published by Scoats. Copyright: Scoats 1997. All rights reserved. Most wrongs unintentional. Reproduction permitted as long as it is accompanied by this entire paragraph.

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