The Green Door #22
September 2000
Pseudo Intellectual Claptrap for the '90s and Maybe Beyond

I saw a headline recently that George W announced his drug plan policy and all I could think of was "A spoon in every nose".

I caught a few minutes of a Liza Minelli movie while programming the VCR the other day. Now I understand why gay men love her. A few minutes of watching her is enough to put you off women forever.

Sometimes the Editorial page of the Inquirer reads like Ann Landers. Recently there was a letter regarding an advertising supplement for secondary education. The writer was concerned about the photographs of young people who looked like they should be on a construction site and young men who wore hats in class. Oh the horror!

His concern wasn't that wearing a baseball cap in class could cause a lad's brain to overheat from all that book learnin'. No, back in his day everyone dressed conformatively and he is sure this nonadherence to 1940 sartorial mores has led to a corresponding decrease in the intellectualism of students in general and classroom discussion in particular.

That this guy should give a darn that men are wearing baseball hats indoors is fascinating. It was once beat into him that men shouldn't wear hats indoors (but women could or maybe even should) and he is appalled that others are not obeying this illogical dictate.

Personally I'm a little guilty of this too, but I like to think my foolishness is rooted in logic rather then manners. I think that people who don't sweat have no business wearing sweatpants. Driving to Walmart and shopping isn't an activity that requires sweats.

Speaking of strange sartorial norms, the large corporation I work for part time has gone full time business casual. This made no difference to me since I stopped wearing ties there years ago both for personal comfort and as a symbol of my liberation from corporate BS ; it's easy to be a pioneer when you don't have a lot to lose.

At about the same time the mail room was outsourced to a copier company that makes the mail room people wear a businessy uniform complete with necktie. Now the executives don't have to wear neckties but the mail room people do. Ties once a symbol of power are now a symbol of servitude, which of course is symbolically fitting.

As I also read in the Philadelphia Inquirer, the business casual evolution is not being taken lightly by suit retailers who are on the offensive. Rather transform their business plan to deal with this change in reality, they have several surreal approaches to the business casual situation.

They hope to convince the world that causal dress abases the sanctity of the business environment and creates a less professional work atmosphere (someday men might even wear baseball hats indoors!), and that casual dress increases sexual harassment. According to that logic, if we made paroled rapists wear neckties, the world would be a safer place.

They are also attempting to launch something called "Dress Up Thursday" in which people would wear suits to work every Thursday. Making Thursdays like a fraternity semi-formal is going to decrease sexual harassment? Other equally popular days I can think of are "Stand All Day at Your Desk Wednesday" and "Get a Punch in the Face Tuesday".

I'm done. - Scoats


The Green Door is a mostly monthly zine published by Scoats. E-mail: scoats at greylodge dot com. (c) Scoats 2000. All rights reserved. Most wrongs unintentional. Reproduction permitted as long as it accompanied by this entire paragraph. If you do reprint something, please let me know.

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Last updated on 08 January 2003.
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