Virtual Surreality #24
December 2000
No Slogan Yet

It's new century so it's time for a new (and third) name for this e-zine.

OK, Next Problem (or Three)
Sometimes you get ideas that work on so many levels and solve several problems simultaneously. It's synchronicity and synergy and other words that begin with the letter S (I know what you're thinking, but save that other S word until you've read the whole thing). For example, here are three seemingly unrelated problems.

1) Old, obsolete analog cell phones, what do you do with them? They could be dangerous if chucked into landfills. The batteries could decay into the water supply, or even worse, burrowing rodents could develop their own communication network and give AT&T yet more competition to worry about.

2) Philadelphia wants to present itself as a high-tech mecca.

3) Schitzo people who roam all around town harmlessly holding conversations with themselves - what do you do? They frighten money-spending tourists and suburbanites.

Answer: give the old unwanted phones to the crazy people. They will carry on with their monologs all the while looking like grungy deal-making dot com executives on the go. Of course this solution does not deal with the problem of suburbanites, but nothing is perfect.

OK, now you can use that other S word.

Top 8 Rejected Dr. Seuss Books
8. Green Eggs and Ham: What LSD Lets Me See

7. The Cat in the Hat Comes Out of the Closet

6. Horton Feels a Hooter

5. The Grinch Who Told The Children There's No Santa Claus

4. Hop on Pop, but Don't Sit on Uncle Marty's Lap

3. Irritable Bowel Syndrome: Symptoms and Treatment

2. Dr. Seuss's Eternal Sleep Book

1. Jox in Straps

Another Mystery Solved
This whole extended election thing had me confused. In every picture Dubya always looks like he has a wedgie. Even in conservative media, Dubya had the same look, so I knew it wasn't plot by the "liberal media", at least not this time. He's got to have at least one pair of underwear that fits, right? Luckily my friend Jack Curtin knew the answer: they fit, Dubya just wears them backwards.

I'm done. - Scoats


Virtual Surreality is a mostly monthly zine published by Scoats. E-mail: scoats at greylodge dot com. (c) Scoats 2000. All rights reserved. Most wrongs unintentional. Reproduction permitted as long as it accompanied by this entire paragraph. If you do reprint something, please let me know.

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Last updated on 08 January 2003.
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