Virtual Surreality #28
April 2002
Still No Slogan


Surreality Televison
This Celebrity Boxing show on FOX has me wondering how a morally bankrupt (and financially bankrupt) skank like Tonya Harding can keep reappearing in our nationís consciousness. I have never watched any of those reality TV shows, but last night I came up with an idea for the best reality TV show ever.

It would be a combination of Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire, Big Brother, Celebrity Boxing, Court TV, and Survivor. The show would feature the wedding of OJ Simpson and Tonya Harding and their subsequent home life. They are both former athletes, so they have something besides criminal convictions in common. Sheís his type, white, blonde and female, and sheíll do anything, no matter how repulsive, for money. Kado could make a few cameos as their houseguest.

As we know from OJís multi-million dollar defense of throw everything at the jury and see if anything sticks (and when that doesnít work, play the race card) that he has bad knees. An attack on his knees could leave him crippled for life. The risks for Harding are fatally obvious. A team of lawyers would be available for color commentary and to help plan defense strategies for the inevitable multiple felonies that will occur.

The show would feature a running pot of $10 million for each season (year) that they remain married. Whoever moves out first, or dies, forfeits the money.

But the plan could backfire. They might get along like a house on fire and create another axis of evil, the likes of which the world has never seen. Of course with the ratings potential for this show, itís probably worth the risk, like with that other TV axis of evil, Barbara Walter's The View.

Metaphysical Connundrum from the Local News - A True Story
I had just stopped a videotape when I went to the kitchen for some food. The TV was set to one of the idiotic local news shows. I could hear it babbling in the background. Wilmington DE had introduced a plan for residental parking stickers. Anchorman Steve Levy's intro to the story: "As we all know, in some neighborhoods, parking spots are worth their weight in gold". One is forced to contimplate, just how much does a parking spot weigh?

 

I'm done.

- Scoats

 

Virtual Surreality is a mostly monthly zine published by Scoats. E-mail: scoats at greylodge dot com. (c) Scoats 2002. All rights reserved. Most wrongs unintentional. Reproduction permitted as long as it accompanied by this entire paragraph. If you do reprint something, please let me know.

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Last updated on 08 January 2003.
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