Virtual Surreality #30
October 2002
Still No Slogan

A Tip for Pedestrians
When you're wandering around on foot and you notice someone walking a wiener dog, the correct - OK maybe not correct but fun - thing to do is to point and shout "WIENER DOG!" The wiener dog seems to like it (though wiener dogs seem permanently serene, so who can really tell) and its owner will give you a nod and smile. Wiener dogs seem to be aware of their absurdity and are at peace with it; much like me. They are completely useless but happily so. If they were bred for eating, their shape would make perfect sense. Come to think of it, you never hear of a Korean breed of dog. Actually if you wanted to breed a wiener dog for eating, you'd probably want to try and make one with 8 legs for added drumsticks. Eight legs could easily fit along that sausage spaced body, and look pretty cool too.

However if in your travels you come across a person walking a rat dog, pointing and shouting "RAT DOG!" doesn't produce any smiles. Well maybe from other pedestrians but not from the rat dog or the rat dog's owner. Needing little provocation anyway, the rat dog will go all nutty as rat dogs always will and the owner will give you a look or worse. If you see a rat dog the best thing to do is just giggle to yourself, "hee hee, rat dog, hee hee". The rat dog will go all nutty as rat dogs always do, reason or not, and although unsure why, the owner will give you a look or worse anyway as rat dog owners usually will.

Recently I caught a few minutes of national TV news and the talking head said that the President was going to appoint a blue ribbon committee to investigate whether intelligence was misused or ignored regarding 9/11/01. Not just a committee, but a blue ribbon committee! I wonder if they get to keep the blue ribbons when their committee service is done or if they have to return them.

The Philadelphia Inquirer has recently mentioned several other blue ribbon committees and one blue ribbon panel. I guess the government only has blue ribbons; you never hear of a red ribbon committee.

Surreal Instructions
On the side of a bottle of Wawa Diet Iced Tea, "To make Iced Tea, add ice". Not as priceless as the instructions that come with moist towelettes ("1. open package, 2. unfold towelette, 3. use"), but almost.


I'm done.

- Scoats


Virtual Surreality is a mostly monthly zine published by Scoats. E-mail: scoats at greylodge dot com. (c) Scoats 2002. All rights reserved. Most wrongs unintentional. Reproduction permitted as long as it accompanied by this entire paragraph. If you do reprint something, please let me know.

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Last updated on 08 January 2003.
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