Virtual Surreality #34
November 2004
"Don't try to wake me; I'm not dreaming"

Wow, 13 months between issues. Life has been busy and good. I expect to take less than 13 months for the next one.

Police Academy 8
"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?" - Homer Simpson

After 10 years of joyous absence, they are planning to make an 8th Police Academy movie. Driven by what the producer must see as a window of opportunity for really crappy movies; Sylvester Stallone hasn't had a movie out for a while and there must be pent up demand.

A Reuters story says "the talent from the first seven features has expressed a keen interest in the revival". First thing of interest is that Reuters didn't put "talent" in quotes or italics or anything. Secondly it's not surprising that "the talent" would be keenly interested in reprising their roles; most of them probably haven't worked in a decade. For those that have found work, it will probably be quite a challenge for them not to add "would you like fries with that" after every one of their lines.

The article also says: "The project is out to writers, with the exact direction of the newest installment yet to be determined." I suspect odds are running 100% that they will pretty much use the original script for the 8th time.


Blessed Are Those With e-Mail for They Shall Receive Spam
Recently I received two copies of the following spam (from different addresses),

“Eliminate your bills the christian way”. I make it a point of never clicking through on spam, but when it came through the second time, I made an exception. From their Website: “Fill out our free quote below to eliminate one of Satan's best weapons...your debt." OK filling out a free quote doesn’t make sense, but neither does Christian debt relief. Although atheistic debt relief does sound like it might make some kind of sense.

Of course we have to put this to the WWJD (What would Jesus do) test? Or should it be the WWJS (Who Would Jesus Stiff) test?
Spam people? NO. Although turning one e-mail into millions of spams seems somewhat Jesus-like.
Give free a quote: YES.
Not capitalize Christian? MAYBE.
Blame people’s credit card debt on Satan? UNLIKELY.
Use multiple domains to thwart anti-spam software? NO.

I suspect Jesus would have told folks to sell all their stuff, make due with less, and pay off their debts in full (“give unto Caesar…”). Somehow I don’t think that is the answer these folks give.

I can’t wait for the penis enlargement the Christian way e-mails…


I'm done.

- Scoats


Virtual Surreality is a mostly monthly zine published by Scoats. E-mail: (c) Scoats 2004. All rights reserved. Most wrongs unintentional. Reproduction permitted as long as it accompanied by this entire paragraph. If you do reprint something, please let me know.

To sign up for the e-mail list, send an e-mail to

Last updated November 2004.
This page administered by Scoats.