Virtual Surreality #26
Virtual Surreality, Actual Stupidity
What could all this anxious preparation be for? A job interview, a first date, a first time meeting future in-laws? Turns out that the guy is going to his doctor to find out about Viagra. If this guy has to try on numerous outfits just to see his doctor, Viagra ain't gonna solve his problems.
The sign at the bank's commercial window says "For your convenience, window hours Monday to Friday 9am to 3pm. No Saturday hours". No Saturday hours, wow that is convenient! Now I have more time to enjoy my confidence.
Another sign at the same ballpark, this one is for Acme Markets. "It's your store. It's our team". I dare anyone to find any logical meaning in those two sentences.
"Dear Penthouse, stuff like this never happens to me, but I went to a small business and was serviced... with quality...."
I blame it on Jim Koch (he's a worthy target) of Samuel Adams with his annoying radio commercials whining about his "hand-crafted Samuel Adams beer". All the locally produced brewpub radio ads have picked up on the "hand crafting" thing.
Now the powerful regional brewer Yuengling has started radio advertising, always mentioning the hand-crafting of their beers. Who the hell wants a brewer putting his hands in the beer? It's beer, not a tailored suit or a chair (BTW this e-zine was "hand typed"). Actually Dogfish Head Brewery, whose brewing operations are radically different from Sam Adams or Yuengling, has a very good piece showing that their beers actually are hand crafted. It's on their Website at http://www.dogfish.com/beerphilosophy.html. Maybe Sam overheard me bash "hand crafted beers" sometime.
Immediately before the Sixers/Lakers championship games, rather than leaving it to national experts, Channel 10 news had their own pre-game commentary. Sadly, sadly I had to listen to anchorboob Larry Mendte babble treacle twice. Here's the best/worst, to illustrate how Sixers fever crossed ethnic lines, Larry said "Philadelphia is no longer white, black, red and yellow, it's Sixers' red, white and blue!" So let's see, still white, still red, no longer black, and no longer yellow. The black and yellow folks were apparently now blue, and that was BEFORE the Sixers fourth and final loss to the Lakers.
I'm done. - Scoats
* All litter is trash, but not all trash is litter. If you are confused (K-Lab), look it up.
Virtual Surreality
is a mostly monthly zine published by Scoats. E-mail: scoats at greylodge dot com. (c) Scoats 2001. All rights reserved. Most wrongs unintentional. Reproduction permitted as long as it accompanied by this entire paragraph. If you do reprint something, please let me know.Get Virtual Surreality via e-mail; it's FREE.
Last updated on 08 January 2003.
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