Welcome to Virtual Surreality/The Green Door/Living in the Toilet, which were the three titles of a monthly monthly e-zine written by me, Scoats, from 1996 to 2004. The format was fairly simple; a one sheet zine featuring my hopefully humorous and entertaining prose about stuff that I noticed or that happened to me.

Each issue will open in its own separate Browser window.

• Issue #34 - November 2004 - Police Academy 8 and Christian Debt Relief
• Issue #33 - October 2003 - Prediction, BS-o-Meter Busted and Chickenhawk
• Issue #32 - May 2003 - Two Kinds of People, Patriot Defense, and Don't Try to Wake Me; I'm Not Dreaming
• Issue #31 - December 2002 - Holiday Safety Tips and From the Newspaper
• Issue #30 - October 2002 - A Tip for Pedestrians, Committees, and Surreal Instructions
• Issue #29 - June 2002 - Virtual Food
• Issue #28 - April 2002 - Surreality Television and A Local News Connundrum (A True Story)
• Issue #27 - February 2002 - Goodbye Old Winter Friends
• Issue #26 - September 2001 - Virtual Surreality, Actual Stupidity.
• Issue #25 - March 2001 - WWJD, Very Short Story/Spoken Word Piece #1 - The Bald Future, Virtual Unreality #1
• Issue #24 - December 2000 - OK, Another Problem Solved (or Three), Top 8 Rejected Dr. Seuss Books, and Another Mystery Solved
• Issue #23 - October 2000 - Boo Humbug!
• Issue #22 - September 2000 - George W's Drug Plan Policy, Liza Manelli, and Casual Clothing
• Issue #21 - July 2000 - Are We Motivated Yet? and Dumb Advertising (Twice)
• Issue #20 - January 2000 - Billionaire Computer Geeks and Pop Music
• Issue #19 - October 1999 - Atlantic City
• Issue #18 - October 1999 - New Tortures at the Dentist Office
• Issue #17 - July 1999 - Second trip to Colorado
• Issue #16 - May 1999 - Internet Stock Craziness
• Issue #15 - February 1999 - Tinky Winky and "The Englishman's Disease"
• Issue #14 - November 1998 - Daily Mysteries (or at least Twice a Week Mysteries)
• Issue #13 - September 1998 - "Bungle 2 Bungle", "Car Washing", and "New Season"
• Issue #12 - August 1998 - Mixing with the Blue Bloods and Yellow Bloods
• Issue #11 - July 1998 - First trip to Colorado
• Issue #10 - June 1998 will be released later, when it seems safe, to protect the guilty (me).
• Issue #9 - May 1998 - "One of My Evil Semi-Superpowers, Video Lithium, and The End of Western Civilization as We Know It (But I Feel Fine)", and "Dumb Advertising #3"
• Issue #8 - April 1998 - "I Don't Look for It; It Finds Me"
• Issue #7 - March 1998 - "New Name, New Subtitle, Same Old Crap, Minor Greed Grab", "El Observations #3", "Scoats's 1996 St. Pat's Story"
• Issue #6 - February 1998 - "Ed's Fenways Story", "Top Ways to Annoy a Born-Again Chrisitian", "El Entender Esta Sobre Evaluado" and "Letters, Actually E-Mail"
• Issue #5 - January 1998 - "Scoats's 1997 Xmas Story" and "Shiny Happy Scoats"
• Issue #4 - November 1997 - "A Prescription for Society", "Dooouh", and "The Family Circus #1 and 2"
• Issue #3 - October 1997 - "Three Emotions in Two Seconds and the Zen of Snideness", "Top Five List: Dyslexic Cursing", "Denim Day Fun", "Bank of the Present", and "More Evidence that the Internet is Evil"
• Issue #2 - September 1997 - "Relax. It's Only Life", "Pity for the Princess (or is it former Princess?)", "Fallout", "Heh heh. Heh heh. Fire.", "El Observation - No. 2", and "Bad Advertising - Part 2"
• Issue #1 - August 1997 - "El Observation - No. 1", "Hey Kids! Knock the Sh&t Out of Elvis", "About the Name, Slogan and Logo", "Top Ten Rejected Car Names", and "Bad Advertising - Part 1"